hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
