I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
