Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
