i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize