We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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