Kareoke will never be a sober sport
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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