So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
4 words: hood of his car
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
