I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
