You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
