I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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