I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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