Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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