I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You smell like stripper and shame
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
