I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
