Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
