if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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