Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
