I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
