I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I would ride that face into the sunset
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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