when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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