That's intense
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
