every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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