i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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