So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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