Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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