So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
The best revenge is premature balding
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Randomize
