Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
