I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
