she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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