i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
