this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
