I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
