I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
