He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
