And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
