none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Can Purell be used as lube?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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