it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
