omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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