I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
