Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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