My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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