i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
