This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Can I color on your dick again?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
