Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
