When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
