You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
whose parrot is this?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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