State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
