fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
