He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
