I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
