I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
My bed smells like the plague
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