His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
