I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I hope mine doesn't look like that
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
