Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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