My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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