I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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