you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
