Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
