I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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