Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
