my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
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