We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize