thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
