I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
