I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
