Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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