it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
