I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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