I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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