There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
