i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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